Hello.

I just had one of those experiences, where you're just moseying along, nothing to it and all that and in the middle of a conversation you suddenly just want to lean on something and remind yourself where you are and what you're doing.

Does that make any sense? I can't really describe it, but I feel like a pompous ass saying "Lookit me! I just had a life-changing revelation! Wheee!"

I was just walking back from dinner and I found myself saying goodbye to Scott, since he's leaving tomorrow.

Who the hell is Scott, anyway? He lives a few floors up and eats dinner with us, still not really sure how to pronounce his German-ish last name the way he does, and he's oddly endearingly mysterious. But he's always lived a few floors up, and he's always been there at dinner, and he's always being cynical with the rest of us when the fire drill goes off.

I don't know why it hit me as I was walking down that awkward little half-stairway from Ross proper into Hadley and he was going to the real stairwell, but we just kind of shot off a casual goodbye and good summer, then my face pinched up (probably really unattractive, that) and it dawned on me, "Wait...see you... Senior year?!"

It was different from all my fellow Japanese majors etc. since, in the words of the Great and Powerful Zack "You'll all be in the same country! And it's a small country! Stop complaining!" and we've been excited about this together all year. It was different from my freshman buddies because I know they'll have an awesome time together and they'll be off to Japan the year after us and we're definitely going to stay in touch.

But what about the Scotts in my life? The people I see all the time, but don't really keep up with? The ones who share no part in this experience, and who I likely as not won't stay in touch with? Will he still live a few floors up and show up to dinner and wear shorts during fire alarms when I get back? Will he even be here, and if he is, will it matter?

It's not like graduating high school, where you leave and you know you won't see most of these people ever again. It's going away knowing you're going to come back and not be the same person, re-meet people who won't be the same people, and maybe one or two Scotts will just get forgotten altogether.

It's kind of sad, really. I'm going to try to keep track of the Scotts in my life. But I don't know how much it'll change.

I suppose the same can be said for Middlebury. I love this place, and I'm sad to be leaving it for a year. And I know I won't be the same when I come back; I'll be a Senior, I'll have seen Tokyo at New Year, and spent my first birthday without seeing my family at all.

Funny how things can sneak by you when they haven't even happened yet.